@cjjt

Okay, I went a little bit overboard yesterday when I was shopping.
Since I feel that I’m not getting younger I thought of buying some beauty products to calm myself down.
And apparently it’s also good for your skin.
So I bought some...stuff...
Coz I’m so new to this shit, my friend Bea had to help me.
She’s French.
And she can read French.
Because it was all written in Dutch and French on the bottles.
So I bought some night cream.
(rumour has it that you’re supposed to have a day-and night cream, who would have known?)
And clear-up stripes.
And another thing for washing the face.
(I didn’t know that you should have several washing milks for your face)
So now I have a routine every night and day.
I wear sunblock (in the morning of course, yeah, I get really tanned when I’m sleeping)
because I get tanned easily and I don’t want to look like a raisin when I’m older.
I also moisturize my body with this awesomely smelly mango butter ( wanna smear it on a bagel).
I wonder how long this is going to last....

I always joke around that I'm older than most people here in 'dam.
I also had my 25 year old crisis when I turned 24.
But now I don't really think about it.
Till TODAY!
I caught myself googling toning lotions.

I already made a mental shoppinglist with all the beauty products that I will buy.
I've always used 2 different products, makeup remover and tonic water and then moisturizer.
ok that is 3 products.
Anyway, I found myself looking in my suitcase after my mums eye cream that I thought she had packed.
But no.
Instead I found 3in1, Vichy.
It will work too.
But I want eye cream.
and anti wrinkle cream.
hell, I don't know what I want.
those were the only creams I could think of.
I'm not used to this shit.
I don't want to look like an old lady.
i don't look like an old lady
but you never know
maybe I will
or not
idk
i'm freaking out

I remember the time when I was funny.
I remember the time when I was living a boring life.
But at least I was funny in print.

Now I'm more funny live.
So if you want to laugh,
you really should meet me in person.
Coz it seems like I can't be funny writing.

I gave it a try.
It didn't work.
How did this happend?
Why can't I be funny when I write?

I guess it's called writer's block...

...leave Sweden for exchange in Amsterdam.
I still can't believe it.
My stomache is swirrling.
I am quite nervous.
Oh dear.

Without dreams, who are we?

....sleeping until noon and eating cake for breakfast.
Now I will start packing.

Jag är lat men jag förtjänar det.

Now it's...mintgreen?
well, 10 point for authenticity.
I will make a perfect wife.
I'll make fire in the kitchen.
I'll colour in the laundry room.
I never know when to shut up.
Like now.
I want to share more feelings.
That I have inside.
I feel.
I hope that you who reads this knows me.
Because my friends know that I'm not wife material.
Or share feelings.
Except now.
I don't know.
I'm still so bored out of my mind.
So bored that I even do my laundry.
Then something is wrong.
Cleaning is also on the agenda.
So then you'll know how bored I am.
verrry.
I'll even write nonsens here so I'll have something to do.

Misslyckades en aning med tvätten.
Råkade lägga min blå halsduk i vit-tvätten.
Men nu så har jag och min kompis inte längre samma linne.
Det är ju bra.
Jag är uttråkad.

I have the day off and there's nothing I can do. I have a presentation tomorrow, but I can't repare for it. Then after tomorrow I all I can do is pack and get my grades sent in. Then it's just waiting.
All my friends are studying or working. My lodger is at school and I just sit here and passing time. 3.30 pm I have something to do, but until then....
I'm so used to be stressed and having thousends of things to do, but now when I have nothing...what to do?
I can't start packing because my room is a mess, due to my friend who's staying here for a couple of days so I thought that I would pack and clean up when she leaves tomorrow.
Any suggestions?

I just saw something so awkward and hillarious.

I don't know about the rest of the world

Being the lameass kid, of course I choose milk.
Dark is for grown-ups.
which I apparently not am.
Almost 25.
In 1 month and 4 days.
But still I go for the milk chocolate.
Dark is bitter.
Milk is easy.
But I will try to eat the dark chocolate and be a mature adult.
yeah, good luck with that.

I was at my local supermarket this morning.
I know what ya'll thinkin "why is she up so early? is she a vampire?"
I had to buy some snacks for work.
I have such cravings these days, I wonder why.
anyway, so at the cashier, standing in line, I felt how something hard is bumping to my ass.
for a nano second I was thrilled, then I realized that I was at the supermarket, and it might be a bit inappropriate, so I turned around waiting for one of two things:

1. a really hot guy, hitting on me with his hardon.
2. Harry Potter with his magic wand.

Neither of those two things, such a disapointment.
It was an old lady bumping in to me with her cart.
because it was an old lady I didn't mind (I never mind if old ladies are hitting on me, if y' know wot I'm sayin, höhöhöh. sorry.) and turned around (everynow and then I get a little bit lonely) (these parenthesis doesn't work that well, right?)
But then she bumped into me again.
And again.
And again.
It was like a virgin that without a compass that was bumping into my bun.
And again.
And I didn't say anything.
Because she looked kind of senile and been there, done that.
But kind of annoying.
My ass hurts.

I have now completed my tasks and all my deadlines are now behind or in the future which means that until tomorrow I have nothing to do.
I don’t know what this means.
I haven’t experience this for such a long time that I don’t know what to do.
What do I do?

I have the evening off and can do whatever I want to.
That is weird.
Well, I work now, so after 6 pm.
I have the evening off.
What shall I do
What can I do?
What do people do?
I don’t know where to start.

This semester has been a very busy time for me and the few moments that I was free, I can’t recall what I did.
Do I even have a life beside my studies?

I study,
I work,
I apply for exchange,
I am a part of organizations,
I have deadlines,
I have assignments.
But now when I have nothing else until tomorrow, what to do?
I can’t prepare for tomorrow because I already did and I have sent every email, called every person, done everything.

Wow.

tell me about it, I am so confused.

See, I knew it. Something good gotta come of of me being neurotic.

When people in TV-shows pretend to drink and it looks like they don't drink.
You know when they order takeaway in a paper cup.
And then drink from it.
Place it down on the counter.
And you can hear how empty the cup is.

You know it, I know it, they know it.
It's nothing in the cup.
Be an actor.
Act well so I will believe you're drinking it.

I am pretty much done with my applications.
I think I've made a decision about next semester.
I think I am happy.
I am so emo.

I won't lie.
I don't feel so good right now.
This weekend has been great.
except for this headache, tiredness and the pain in the body.
yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am hungover.
don't get me wrong. I didn't drink that much and I didn't plan for this to happend.
This friday I had some wine to the dinner and yesterday also.
But I guess due to the lack of alcohol in my life I am not used to drink more than 1 glas of wine.
I actually haven't been drinking for ages.
So when this weekend had two different evenings with alcohol, my body was a bit suprised.
this actually sucks.
I'm getting older.
I can't even drink more than 1 glas of wine coz the next day I'll be hungover.
I'm so weak.

So I will make this promise.
you, as my witnesses.
I will never drink again.
kidding.
I will drink again.
but not for a long time.
and not much.
1 glas of wine tops.
and I will also start taking care of my body.
you know, exercising, eat fruit, vegatables and shit like that.
The pain I'm feeling now, I don't want to feel like this again.
I will also go to bed early.
Like 10pm.
and no ice cream except saturdays.
or candy.

Lately I've been a bit cantankerous.
Let's be honest, I've been a bitch.
Today I snapped at my mother.
My dear, loving mother
I called back after a few minutes and apologized.
I also yelled at one of my friends yesterday.
I think I apologized.
Did I?
Hopefully.

So I will turn around my attitude and be happy and jolly like a freakin cheerleader.
I will be so annoyingly happy that you will wish that I will die.

no, not really.
but when God gives you cookies, you dip them in milk and eat them.
you don't through them back at the sky and bitch and moan about it.
Bu freakin hu, I feel so sorry for myself. I get to work hard to prove that I will get what I deserve.
no, no more of that.
I will be happy and not stressed or grumpy.
now shut up and eat your freakin cookie.

Have you guys ever been in class but needed go to the bathroom and pee really bad?

The thought are going crazy in your head:
Don't think about how much you need to pee, just think of dry stuff.
Not waterfalls, or foutains, lakes, the sea or anything that has to do with the colour yellow.
come on get a grip! I know you can do it.
I can't!
Yes you can!
No, I'm sorry, dude, I have to pee.
not in the classroom!
I'm sorry....

You know when there are roll calls and they start in alphabetical order, I always get called last coz my surname starts with the 20th letter. So there are a lot of names before me. During that timeset I always get stressed, worried and nervous that I won't get called. That they made a mistake and when they ask if there was someone missing from the list I will say yes and they will say, mohahahaha, no you were not called because you don't belong here!

Yes, that kind of stuff goes around in my head. Especially when it comes to important stuff, like when you start a new class/course or when you're at your introduction meeting. The reason why I bring this up is beacause I was at a very important meeting this week and I almost shit my pants when they started calling people. I was so afraid that they wouldn't call my name, that it all had been a mistake, a joke for prove that I don't get my dreams and failure is in my future. yeah, I have great confidence.

but luckily I was called. and now my dreams might come true. I don't want to say too much, considering there are some things that needs to be done first before I know for sure. But all I can say, for those who have read this blog, you all know that I had the weekend from hell making applications... I found out that I got nominated to my first choice.... YEAH!!!! BABY!!!!!I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!